Tsaroth writes "Just in time for everyone's Halloween fantasy, a horde of undead minions to collect candy for you; HowStuffWorks.com has just put up a new article about How Zombies Work. From Haitian zombies, to Dawn of the Dead it's more fun with corpses than you've ever had, hopefully." Ewww. From the article: "It happens in just about every zombie movie -- a throng of reanimated corpses lumbers toward the farmhouse, shopping mall, pub or army base where the heroes have barricaded themselves. The zombies aren't dead, but they should be. They're relentless and oblivious to pain, and they continue to attack even after losing limbs. Usually, anyone the zombies kill returns as a zombie, so they quickly evolve from a nuisance to a plague."Ads_xl=0;Ads_yl=0;Ads_xp='';Ads_yp='';Ads_xp1='';Ads_yp1='';Ads_par='';Ads_cnturl='';Ads_prf='page=article';Ads_channels='RON_P6_IMU';Ads_wrd='humor,science';Ads_kid=0;Ads_bid=0;Ads_sec=0; How Zombies Work Log in/Create an Account | Top | 99 comments | Search Discussion Display Options Threshold: -1: 99 comments 0: 98 comments 1: 84 comments 2: 61 comments 3: 25 comments 4: 17 comments 5: 7 comments Flat Nested No Comments Threaded Oldest First Newest First Highest Scores First Oldest First (Ignore Threads) Newest First (Ignore Threads) The Fine Print: The following comments are owned by whoever posted them. We are not responsible for them in any way. May I be the first to say... (Score:2) by Mateito (746185) on Friday October 28, @10:50PM (#13902354) (http://www.jwz.org/images/omgwtf.jpg) Braaaaains!Braaaaains!!BRAAAAAAINSSS!!!! [ Reply to This Re:May I be the first to say... (Score:5, Funny) by j_kenpo (571930) on Friday October 28, @11:08PM (#13902453) Just beware of the zombies that chant:scroootumscoooootuuuumSCROTUMThey can have my brains if they leave the family jewels alone [ Reply to This | ParentRe:May I be the first to say... by dmaxwell (Score:2) Friday October 28, @11:28PMRe:May I be the first to say... by Kickboy12 (Score:3) Friday October 28, @11:42PM May I be the first to answer... (Score:4, Funny) by Spy der Mann (805235) <spydermann,slashdot&gmail,com> on Friday October 28, @11:15PM (#13902487) (Last Journal: Wednesday October 12, @02:42PM) This... is my BOOMSTICK!!!! [imdb.com] [ Reply to This | Parent...Virus virus by tepples (Score:2) Friday October 28, @11:24PMRe:May I be the first to say... by use_compress (Score:2) Friday October 28, @11:55PM Again? (Score:1) by Raseri (812266) on Friday October 28, @10:51PM (#13902357) I guess Zonk loves Zombies. To each his own. [ Reply to ThisRe:Again? by NanoGator (Score:2) Friday October 28, @10:56PMRe:Again? by tritonic (Score:1) Friday October 28, @11:36PM This is no joking matter, people! (Score:5, Funny) by Saint Aardvark (159009) * on Friday October 28, @10:51PM (#13902364) (http://www.saintaardvarkthecarpeted.com/blog | Last Journal: Thursday October 20, @10:12PM) A recent report shows that Philadelphia is completelyunprepared for afull-scale Zombie attack [theonion.com]! From TFA: Federal Undead Management Agency spokesperson Dr. Sheena Aurora downplayed the ZPI report, arguing that zombies move slowly and can be easily overpowered. Aurora advised citizens to look over their shoulders frequently, adding that a large shopping mall can serve as a "long-term, even fun" refuge from zombies. Such assertions alarm zombiologist Olivier Baptiste, who calls FUMA's information "hopelessly outdated." "Dr. Aurora's claims are based on decades-old zombie models," Baptiste said. "Widely released evidence from recent years clearly shows that zombies can run just as fast, if not faster, than a living human." Added Baptiste: "That FUMA trains its field agents to shoot zombies in the torso, rather than the head, demonstrates just how out of touch the government is." /me scurries to secured basement... [ Reply to Thisal Queda has the Necronomicon! by khasim (Score:2) Friday October 28, @11:02PM1 reply beneath your current threshold.Re:This is no joking matter, people! by Anonymous Coward (Score:1) Friday October 28, @11:32PMThat's Pittsburgh... by Jack Nickel-ass (Score:1) Friday October 28, @11:50PMToo late! Already attacked American Idol! by antdude (Score:2) Saturday October 29, @12:47AM Howstuffworks. (Score:2, Funny) by Anonymous Coward on Friday October 28, @10:53PM (#13902372) Next up: how elves, fairies, and eskimos work! [ Reply to ThisRe:Howstuffworks. by slavemowgli (Score:2) Friday October 28, @10:59PM Zombies! (Score:3, Funny) by Trikenstein (571493) on Friday October 28, @10:54PM (#13902380) Got these guys [fvza.org] on speed dial (just in case...) [ Reply to ThisRe:Zombies! by miyako (Score:2) Saturday October 29, @12:50AM I thought... (Score:1) by Elitist_Phoenix (808424) on Friday October 28, @10:54PM (#13902381) I always thought it started when you hadn't properly disabled the DCOM service! [ Reply to ThisRe:I thought... by saskboy (Score:2) Saturday October 29, @12:10AM Zombie Simmulator (Score:5, Interesting) by John Harrison (223649) <johnharrison.gmail@com> on Friday October 28, @10:54PM (#13902382) (http://www.angelfire...irak/tutorial/day10/ | Last Journal: Sunday February 20, @11:44PM) http://www.sothisisacomic.com/Zombie/zomb3.html [sothisisacomic.com] has an implementation of a zombie invasion simmulation and shows infection progessing through a city and the efforts of the military as well. An excellent resource for those seeking to better understand zombies. [ Reply to ThisRe:Zombie Simmulator by Quinn_Inuit (Score:3) Friday October 28, @11:13PM1 reply beneath your current threshold. My Wifes a zombie (Score:4, Funny) by Alex P Keaton in da (882660) on Friday October 28, @10:55PM (#13902384) (http://www.bekkoame....rafetish3english.htm) My wife seems like a zombie in bed sometimes. How can I get her to watch more porn? [ Reply to This Re:My Wifes a zombie (Score:4, Informative) by zoloto (586738) * on Friday October 28, @11:05PM (#13902441) porn, ala visual cues won't work on women as effectively as it does for men. men are turned on with visual cues, women are more auditory/emotional.Try talking to her. [ Reply to This | ParentRe:My Wifes a zombie by Mateito (Score:2) Friday October 28, @11:13PMRe:My Wifes a zombie by Alex P Keaton in da (Score:2) Friday October 28, @11:18PMRe:My Wifes a zombie by tepples (Score:1) Friday October 28, @11:29PMRe:My Wifes a zombie by Chaotic Spyder (Score:1) Saturday October 29, @12:54AMRe:My Wifes a zombie by Rellik66 (Score:1) Friday October 28, @11:27PMSong Lyrics - Zombie Jamboree by Anonymous Coward (Score:1) Friday October 28, @11:40PM Safty (Score:5, Funny) by thesupermikey (220055) on Friday October 28, @10:55PM (#13902385) (http://supermikelewis.blogspot.com/ | Last Journal: Saturday October 23, @04:17AM) Everywhere i go i make sure that if a Zombie busts in i am ready.1) Look for exits and ways to block them.2) make sure that there is aways blunt objects or shot guns3) if there is a shot gun, and there is less that 10 shells. Give the gun to the weakest member of the party. They are goign to die frist, and there is little a gun with that few shots is going to do4) what zombie moves everychance you get. Take notes on what goes right and what goes wrong. [ Reply to ThisRe:Safty by Digi-John (Score:1) Saturday October 29, @12:12AMRe:Safty by front (Score:2) Saturday October 29, @12:48AM Fool Proof Zombie Survival Plan (Score:3, Informative) by fadeaway (531137) * on Friday October 28, @10:55PM (#13902386) (http://www.irc-junkie.org/) Position yourself above the ground floor of a structure, then promptly demolish stairs leading to said floor. This technique will thwart both classic Romero style oaf-zombie, as well as the current new fangled fast and flighty zombie. [ Reply to ThisProblem: supplies. by khasim (Score:2) Friday October 28, @11:10PMRe:Fool Proof Zombie Survival Plan by kakos (Score:3) Saturday October 29, @12:34AM1 reply beneath your current threshold. Zombies? (Score:4, Funny) by Trogre (513942) on Friday October 28, @10:57PM (#13902398) (http://slashdot.org/) If I'd wanted to know how Zombies worked, I'd examine the logs of one of my many 0wned windows boxes over the net some time.Oh, you mean real zombies! [ Reply to This Shaun of the Dead (Score:2) by MBCook (132727) <foobarsoft@foobarsoft.com> on Friday October 28, @10:58PM (#13902404) (http://www.foobarsoft.com/) The movie critics on a local radio show in my town keep a list of questions about zombies: like why are they always so stupid? Quite entreating.But I'm writing to tell everyone of my favorite zombie movie: Shaun of the Dead [imdb.com].It is hilarious. Two stoners wind up in the middle of a city full of zombies and decide to be action heros. But it doesn't work out quite perfectly. Check it out this Halloween. [ Reply to ThisRe:Shaun of the Dead by UserGoogol (Score:2) Saturday October 29, @12:29AM Zombies ARE Dead (Score:4, Informative) by Hulkster (722642) on Friday October 28, @10:58PM (#13902406) (http://www.komar.org/hulk/) As George Romero showed in Dawn of the Dead [dawnofthedeadmovie.net] zombies are dead ... but they keep coming back to life. Kinda like the inflateable Frankenstein that web surfers keep trying to kill. [komar.org] [ Reply to This1 reply beneath your current threshold. Zombies (Score:2) by MarkRose (820682) on Friday October 28, @10:59PM (#13902413) Killing a zombie with a severe blow to the head is too much work. My preferred way is with kill -9 pid. Unless, of course, they are vegetarian zombies. I have lots of grains to spare. [ Reply to This1 reply beneath your current threshold. Hmm.. (Score:2) by bhsx (458600) on Friday October 28, @11:02PM (#13902430) These days I'm not sure which comes in first more often. Fark often has Slashdot submissions, and they are clearly marked so. Lately it seems that lots of stories/links are showing up on Fark first! Since both sites are basically the same functionally, with a comedy vs. geek thing, I'm not sure it even matters. Just something that I was going to write a joke about until I realized I'm not funny (check my last link for example). Anyway, when I first saw this on Fark I was hoping to get more of a The Serpent and the Rainbow breakdown of the drugs/herbs/poisons involved in the Haitian voodoo practices. Then I realized pretty much everyone is going for the whole Halloween thing now and ditching "real" articles. Oh well, time to hit the bottle. [ Reply to ThisRe:Hmm.. by Zathrus (Score:2) Friday October 28, @11:25PM Don't worry, Bill has the answer (Score:1) by dedeman (726830) on Friday October 28, @11:09PM (#13902454) I think these [slashdot.org] guys know how zombies work, and how to fight them. [ Reply to This Easy to prepare (Score:1) by Eli Gottlieb (917758) on Friday October 28, @11:11PM (#13902467) (https://sourceforge.net/projects/glider-kernel) In order to prepare for a zombie attack one needs two things: The Zombie Survival Guide [amazon.com], and of course, a holy symbol. Or is that vampires that need a holy symbol? Anyway, I've got my Jewish star ready! [ Reply to ThisRe:Easy to prepare by bfischer (Score:1) Saturday October 29, @12:13AM Not undead (Score:5, Funny) by zuvembi (30889) <I_charge_100USD_ ... e@unixbigots.org> on Friday October 28, @11:14PM (#13902483) (http://slashdot.org/) We prefer the term living impaired, Thank You very much.*ahem*I almost forgot.BRRRRaaaainnnzzz!!! [ Reply to ThisRe:Not undead by Coneasfast (Score:2) Friday October 28, @11:29PMRe:Not undead by JonWan (Score:2) Friday October 28, @11:53PMRe:Not undead by darkonc (Score:2) Saturday October 29, @12:37AM The urge to see it all washed away (Score:5, Interesting) by Y-Crate (540566) on Friday October 28, @11:15PM (#13902489) I've noticed in recent years that a lot of people I meet secretly harbor very intense apocalyptic fantasies.Not the "Oh wow, Threads [imdb.com] was some crazy shit, imagine that happening" or some religiously motivated desire to bring about a biblical event, but a genuine sense of "Go on, fuck it, let the zombies rise, let the plagues spread and if I'm lucky I can ride it out."When the fake news reports appeared regarding a disease in Cambodia that briefly animated the dead, the most common first reaction I encountered by those who believed it to be from a reputable source was "Fuck YES". For a moment, I was aghast, and then I realized part of me was whispering the same thing. [ Reply to This Zombies in Reality (Score:1) by drijen (919269) on Friday October 28, @11:18PM (#13902502) Sorry no pertinent links, but there are ways to create a zombie in real life.Certain african tribes possess a poisonous powder, that when blown into an enemy's face will cause convulsions, and then a deep coma. When the victim awakens, all of his/her high level mental facilities are gone, and is only able to accomplish teh simplest commands: kill, walk, etc.All of this was depicted in a grand series of b-rated movies, but this stuff does have scientific foundations. This information has deep roots in African lore, as well as some of the darker Christian texts. While none of this can be proven conclusivly, the point is - its possible :) [ Reply to ThisRe:Zombies in Reality by Mistshadow2k4 (Score:3) Friday October 28, @11:47PM Slashdot is like reading Fark 8 hours earlier (Score:2) by loomis (141922) on Friday October 28, @11:18PM (#13902503) I keep seeing things taken from Fark.com on Slashdot more and more often. This was posted on Fark at 1:25 PM here: Zombies [fark.com].Is this site simply becomming a place where the more interesting Fark articles get a second printing? [ Reply to This Friggin press release (Score:1) by Lord_Dweomer (648696) on Friday October 28, @11:19PM (#13902506) I'll save you guys the trouble of looking at the site....its just a press release to try to drum up some Halloween traffic with what amounts to an article about the history of zombies and what people thought caused it. Nothing to great. [ Reply to This Don't Forget: The Zombie Anti-Defamation League (Score:4, Interesting) by xeoron (639412) on Friday October 28, @11:19PM (#13902507) (http://linger.twisted-muse.org/~twilight) While on the subjuct: The Zombie Anti-Defamation League [ookee.com] has their own take on the nature of being a Zombie. Most of it is very funny. The sections on Flesh Eating Virus (such as, "doing ministry work"), Practical Zombriety, General Faq ("4. Are Zombies dangerous? - No, no, no, no, no! Well, maybe. If vexed. Are the living dangerous? ...), Zombie Spirituality, and Brain Eating ( "...Yes Zombies eat Brains, but only on certain holidays or under special circumstances. This practice's origin is twofold: Practicality and the teachings of Zombie Jesus....") are worth reading. The man page states the following: "Our mission is to act as a consciousness raising guide to counter the lies, misrepresentations, exploitation of Zombies by the Vitalist Machine of Propaganda that is Hollywood and "Popular Culture" in the world. Too long have our Zombie Sisters and Brothers been represented as mindless aggressive flesh eaters, bent only on the destruction of the Living. The Truth, as is so often the case, is very different. Please take time to explore our site and learn the Truth about Zombies. Here, the true causes and conditions of Zombiedom will be explained and the lies will be show for what they are. Rise and Fight the Vitalist Hate Machine!" [ Reply to This Not what I expected (Score:3, Funny) by earthforce_1 (454968) <earthforce_1@NOspAM.yahoo.com> on Friday October 28, @11:22PM (#13902520) (Last Journal: Friday May 30, @09:04PM) I was expecting an article describing how home PCs are attacked and turned into remotely controlled spambots. [ Reply to This1 reply beneath your current threshold. Need help. (Score:5, Funny) by Fallingcow (213461) on Friday October 28, @11:23PM (#13902526) (http://www.fallingcow.com/) I'm currently fighting off a zombie attack, so I don't have time to RTFA.Could someone please summarize the part about how to kill them?Also, how do you treat a zombie-bite wound? Band-aids, some neosporin? This one on my ankle hurts like a bitch, and it's starting to go kinda numb around it.K thx bye. [ Reply to ThisRe:Need help. by Bullet-Dodger (Score:2) Saturday October 29, @12:15AM what do we want? (Score:4, Funny) by philo_enyce (792695) on Friday October 28, @11:26PM (#13902540) (Last Journal: Friday August 19, @07:40PM) what do we want? brains! when do we want it? brains! [ Reply to This Don't Panic (Score:1) by NiTr|c (130325) <hackopNO@SPAMshadowassassin.com> on Friday October 28, @11:26PM (#13902542) (http://wiz.bat.org/~hackop/) Ah yes, the number one rule in any situation, including Zombie Self Defense. Don't Panic. Rule two is, of course, always have your towel! [ Reply to This Zombie Survival Guide (Score:4, Informative) by flogger (524072) <church_al@ttown.efingham.k12.il.us> on Friday October 28, @11:34PM (#13902578) (http://www.alchurch.net/ | Last Journal: Friday October 04, @10:21AM) Nothing taught me more about the Zombie Survival Guide. [zombiesurvivalguide.com] It is a great book, humorous in its subdued delivery and content. Great stuff! [ Reply to This Be Careful! (Score:4, Informative) by miyako (632510) on Friday October 28, @11:37PM (#13902590) (http://miyako-houou.homelinux.net/ | Last Journal: Thursday October 07, @02:15AM) For the few of the who actually RTFA I would suggest taking extreme care. The article makes many false statements about the undead hoards and may lead some into the false idea that they were prepared for a zombie outbreak. For the record, a Zombie is a corpse which has been infected with the virus Solanum. The bites are infact 100% contagous. The rough time from a bite to full transformation is 15 hours, although this varies based on how close to a major vein or artery the bite occured. The bite leads to apparent death, followed by rising no more than 2 minutes after initial death.A zombie can only be stopped by destroying the brain. This is usuallly accomplished through the use of a bullet. Fire can effectively destroy the brain- however be aware that setting a zombie on fire is not a sure thing, often times the fire will go out before destroying the brain, and in the mean time the flaming zombies will catch fire to the surrounding areas. .22 caliber bullets are often rarely effective for fighting zombies as they lack the power to penetrate a skull from a distance. Air rifles are useless. Shotguns are often ineffective as they spread the blast over a large area. If you find yourself in the midsts of a zombie outbreak also be sure to avoid fully automatic weapons. It only takes 1 bullet to the brain to stop a zombie, and a fully automatic weapon can encourage the wasting of bullets. The sound will also have a tendancy to draw the undead from the surrounding areas. Often times a blade such as a sholin spade or a sword can be highly effective. A blade never needs to be reloaded.A few more tips should a zombie outbreak occur:Always be prepared, stay in good physical condition and keep a supply of food, water, medical supplys and weapons on hand.